no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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