youre lurking in front of me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
