Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
