I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
