everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
