You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
