yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
