My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
