Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
