This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
