I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
