I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
