she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We smell like vodka and hangover
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
