im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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