I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
