Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
