well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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