dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
