She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
