i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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