The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
