Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
