I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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