Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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