Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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