I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
