got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
