I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
