you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
