If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
