im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
