i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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