Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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