i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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