I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
