We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
