I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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