i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
