i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
