ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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