OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
