my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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