He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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