I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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