I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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