I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
