is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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