if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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