Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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