Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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