I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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