Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
